First full day in Edinburgh

Your Days Are Numbered

I need to be eased in to Sunday mornings at the best of times. A show about the mathematics of death may not seem like a great way to start Sunday, but it worked for me. There are not many places where jokes about maths, decapitation and Heisenberg’s Uncertainty principle will be well recieved, but the Fringe is one of them. I was lucky enough to monitor the Death Clock for the hosts Matt and Timandra, and I now assess my entire life in terms of micromorts.

Tom Binns is Ian D Montfort: Touching the Dead

Pleased to see that Tom has another string to his bow other than Ivan Brackenbury, the wonderfully incompetent hospital DJ. “Ian” is a spoof medium who uses all the same parlour tricks that fool people into believing they are communicating with the dead but with a comic spin. Some times the trick is partially revealed, sometimes we were kept guessing. But everything was done in a funny way, be it silly, creepy or quite, quite dark.

Nathan Cassidy: The Frog That Says Sausages

Nathan suffered from both a tiny audience and having late night material in a mid-afternoon slot, but I had a great time. Especially when I drew a cock on his head. Serves him right for calling me Sasquatch. I’ve trimmed my beard recently, outrageous…

Tim Vine: The Joke-amotive

A relentless stream of puns, visual gags and one-liners from the Pun Master General. As he says himself, if you don’t like one of his jokes, there’s another one along in a few seconds. Easy going, broad humour, making the hour pass quickly. It just felt a little bit too simple – no narrative, no build up, no cresecendo. Comic fast food that hits the spot for a while, but left me feeling a little unsatisfied.

Paul Sinha: Extreme Anti-White Vitriol

Paul shared with us his struggle as a stand-up who is an ex-GP of Asian descent and openly gay. Without getting deeply political, we learned of the time he was called a racist by a member of the BNP on Radio 2 – hence the title of the show. He’s also ranked 20th in the UK quiz league – swings and roundabouts then. He continues to search for the better and more accepting side of humanity. Does he find it? See the show and find out.

The Lists

B-list Bingo:
Andy Zaltzman
Mike McShane
Felix Dexter
Tim Vine
Dan Antopolksi
Bloke From White Room Theatre Company
Carey Marx
Jo Caulfield

Edinbooty:
“Dead” sticker from “Your days are numbered”

Arrived in Edinburgh (eventually)

Made it to Edinburgh at last. A person bumped into a train near Knebworth and signals failed near Peterborough. Then the person handing over the keys to the flat was 15 minutes late. That meant a sprint across town to our first show…

Tom Wrigglesworth’s Nightmare Dream Wedding

While the story seems a little outlandish to be real, it’s all forgiven with the assured combination of stand up and story-telling from Tom. There were a few moments where it felt like he had laboured over the words so much that learning them seemed a challenge, but the heart warming story was a nice opener to the fringe.

Idiot’s of Ants: The Red Button

A cracking high energy show from one of the acts I expected to show up on TV a couple of years ago. Great sketches, excellent visual gags and unthreatening audience interaction. They use music,  props and video to great effect, without it being forced or pretentious. (If I see another Shakespeare “multimedia experience” where the only difference is some twat on roller-skates with a video camera I’ll punch them up the Horatio.) See these people live before TV spoils them.

Abandoman: Pic ‘n’ Mix Tape

Improvised rap and hip-hop from two Irishmen? Strange but true and really entertaining! We found out that Snoop Dogg was a sheep shearer and an interesting use for flutes.

The Lists

Every day I’ll try to add to two lists.

B-list Bingo is tally of the (very) minor celebs seen on the streets of Edinburgh. Mainly folks you’ve not heard of.

Edinbooty is the swag acquired at shows, ranging from proper merchandise to free tat. Mainly free tat.

B-list Bingo:
Baba Brinkman

Edinbooty:
Idiots of Ants badge

Haiku – Middle Eastern Loo

From The Telegraph: Middle-Eastern-style ’squat’ lavatories fitted in Rochdale shopping centre

Crapper culture clash.
Po-litical correctness
has gone down the pan

Haiku – London’s Sewer Fat Would Fill 9 Buses

From The Telegaph: Fat cleared from London sewers will fill nine double-decker buses

London’s lump of lard
Enough to fill nine buses
or seven Big Macs

Haiku – Custard Armour

From The Telegraph: Scientists create ‘custard armour’ to protect soldiers

A trifle to make
hundreds and thousands, but none
for the desserters

Haiku – Toy Loving Tortoise

From The Telegraph: Tortoise falls in love with a plastic toy

Tortoise gets called cute
When I had plastic girlfriend
I was called pervert

Holiday haiku 4

I look up to the
private boats, down on day hire.
Day hire, know your place

Holiday haiku 3

Boat and bed and board?
The brochure failed to mention
the bed is a board

Holiday haiku 2

Could not enter pub
in Stratford-Upon-Avon
because I was Bard

Holiday haiku

Canal holiday
Before leaving the boatyard,
bitten by a swan